True Masculinity: The Answer to Incels and Misogyny

In August of 2021, a young man in the UK went on a shooting spree in the port city of Plymouth in the South West of England. By the end of the fatal shooting, there were 6 deaths, including the 22-year-old perpetrator’s mother, who later the shooter himself, who turned the gun on himself.

Investigations into the crime revealed that the felon was active on online forums that engaged in discussions that involved certain views on women and relationships.

As law enforcement stumbled on internet forums, and chat groups that involved a collection of men with radical ideas on women and society. And who also happened to be celibate despite wanting intimacy with women ⁽¹⁾

The group or ‘movement’ in question is described as incels or involuntarily celibate. A male-only group that has found its place online; with internet forums and social media channels acting as its platform for engagement. The shooter who took the lives of these innocent people was one of them.

Following the crime, mainstream news media picked up on the story and began forwarding a narrative of incels as this dark, conspiratorial movement on the internet that is built on hating women.

Which is sadly not too far from the truth. However what is problematic is how these problems tend to get misconstrued, notably in terms of what is called for in terms of solutions for these kinds of social ills. And what it means for the stakeholders involved. Women and men.

In this post, we will break down the problem with incels: who they are, what are their main problems, and what could be done to deal with them. To deal with this problem in a way that is good for society, but taking into consideration the concerns of the many (predominantly young) men who seem to be caught up in this undoubtedly toxic movement.

Who are the Incels 

As noted, the term ‘incel’ refers to men who desire intimacy and possibly even a relationship with women but are unable to get it for a variety of reasons.

Being an incel appears to work at two levels. One, there is the more general problem of guys who can’t get laid. These are the looser types. The award, possibly overweight, geeky kids from high school who had trouble socializing, and later never grew out of it.

The kind of blokes who are generally awkward around women have little social calibration when approaching and talking to girls, and generally spend much of their lives in front of a screen. Which is a problem that often extends into other aspects of their lives.

Having poor or no social skills, characterized by a general sense of unease when it comes to communicating one’s wants and expectations, along with a host of other individual problems: that extend into areas like fitness, diet, and even in their professional life.

Though the latter point is not necessarily a given. Since a lot of adult men, with relatively stable and even successful careers tend to s**k with women.

Whilst these features or weaknesses in men are well noted. Heck, an argument can be made that a vast proportion of men in society tend to fall closer to this spectrum of socially awkward men, as opposed to the more socially calibrated, outgoing, communicative types, who tend to be good with women.

Making matters worse, such men (incels), who are actually boys who are yet to really develop into men, come to showcase a sense of neediness when engaging the opposite sex. The kind of guys, who in addition to having trouble relating to women as equals, carry with them a sense of ‘I need her to fill up what I don’t have’.

Meaning, in their interactions with women, if and when it actually happens, the woman in question becomes a source of fascination, and in time attachment.

Obviously, this is a big turn-off for women, and naturally these types of guys, given all of their other shortfalls, don’t get very far in the dating game. In turn, fueling their restatement towards women.

When it comes to the incels, the problem we are dealing with are men who not only have trouble relating to women as people but worse, feel entitled to what women have to offer men they are attracted to.

Before going further, since the business of incels is a relatively new concept, let’s break this down a bit more by looking at their main characteristics.

Sexual Entitlement

To understand how the minds of incel works, we need to first familiarize ourselves with some incel terminology. One that, as it happens, is not unique to this particular group, as there are other, believe it or not, men’s groups online. And a lot of them (if not most) verge close to the danger zone.

In the world of incels, and other men’s groups that carry a misogynistic strain (though it is important to note that not all men in such forums necessarily hate women, as some in the media have been quick to call) it is believed there is a social hierarchy when it comes to access to the opposite sex.

Women it is believed are sexually selective, and will only sleep with men who fit a certain stereotype: Tall, good-looking, and rich. In addition to having a social status that generally accompanies men with such features.

In the world of incels, the problem with sexual entitlement stems from the inability of these men to attract women (i.e. the ones they find attractive) owing to a plethora of reasons related to the above: wealth, status, looks, etc.

Interestingly each of these factors is internal to the person in question. Which, given enough work and dedication can be enhanced and with it their chances with women.

However, the blame for their lack of success in the dating and relationship arena is often squarely placed on women as a sex, or on society as a whole. In other words, the men in the incel space, or those who identify this movement subconsciously or otherwise come to believe that the problem is outside of them. Always!

Since that is the case, what results is the emergence of a deep sense of anger and resentment towards women, society at large, and ultimately themselves.

Consider the two notable incel-related shootings: the one in Plymouth England, and other more publicized Isla Vista massacre in 2014 involving Eliot Rodger; in both shooting the perpetrators ended up killing themselves.

This indicates, in addition to the dislike of things that they cannot have-women and a society that accepts them-but also a deep-seated anger and possibly hate towards themselves. But where does this all begin?

Where Do Incels Come From? 

There is a simple answer and a longer one for this question. In simple terms, the problem with incels is the problem of lack of good leadership in the lives of these men.

Particularly the lack of leadership during the formative years of their lives. The long answer is to break down what is meant by good leadership.

Let’s face it all of us (or almost all of us) have been through a stage or period in life where things just didn’t happen. That when it came to the opposite sex the bridge so to speak, seemed too far. But it need be forever.

A problem that is particularly true in adolescence, and realistically it is something almost all men go through as boys, as they (we) pass through the stages of development.

Problematically for some, or many, this hurdle: that is the ability to speak, engage and vibe with women as a start, is never overcome.

Heck for a lot of men, the very nature of the problem: is the need to get out and engage women socially, whilst at the same working on yourself, in terms of your fitness, social skills, personality, and career is never given adequate attention.

Many men enter adulthood with little to no experience with women. Women for the most part seem like a mystery. And depending on what kind of trajectory the guy takes in life (i.e. his career stalls or never takes off) his attitude towards women, and himself in the process, will be further affected.

Now when it comes to success with women, it goes without saying that some men are simply better at it. One could even say they are just “natural”. The chads, the studs, the lady-killers whatever you wanna call them, who get all the**, whereas the rest of the gang is gotta wait on the sidelines wondering how it all went wrong.

Now, these contrasts are of the extremes. However, they are pertinent in the context of the incels. Caz when it comes to this group of men, we are in fact dealing with something rather extreme.

The inability to relate to women, and build a lasting connection is one thing, but getting pissed off about it, and then letting that anger and frustration fill you up, and even proceeding to act on it, is something else.

With incels what we are faced with is the problem of men, usually young men in their 20s and 30s, with a lot of pent up energy-the kind of energy that could be spent having quality time with women-is now directed outward. Often with consequences to boot.

As all that negative energy soon builds up and in time feeds a sense of distrust and distaste towards women, the world, and invariably themselves. And with young men, if there is one problem you need to take deadly seriously is that of pent-up anger and frustration. And here the problem is no longer just about incels. But that is a discussion for another time.

With incels often the problem of not getting sex comes down to the lack of social status, and financial stability, and often underlying them all is a lack of confidence.

The ability to control your finances, and develop yourself in mind and body invariably spills over into a guy’s social life. Strengthening his ability to relate and build a connection with women. And later his ability to build a meaningful life.

But how do you get this confidence? How does a guy, especially a young guy just entering adulthood, or for that matter an adult, who has tried a number of things but hasn’t got anywhere in the dating game? What could be done to prevent these souls from falling prey to this incel mindset? Which is what it is.

A mindset that feeds and then projects anger and bitterness. One that is, at its deepest level, based on fear, insecurity, lack of effort, and confidence. A true representation of the victim mindset. The question now is: How do we fix it?

The Answer: Watch and Learn 

In life to master any skill you need to learn it by putting in the work.

You often learn something by watching it being done right. By understanding the methods and then applying it yourself. And then by repeating it, till you get good it.

When it comes to women and dating, the process is somewhat the same. Well not exactly. But there are a number of parallels.

And before the PC police come out of the woodwork screaming about the objectification of women, and whatnot, just hear me out.

Life is a like game. Not simple one, but one that involves skill, learning, experience, and critically a competitive edge.

In the dating and relationship space, a lot of men enter this arena with a lack of experience. Whilst an argument can be made that you need to start somewhere and that a lot of men learn the ropes by a process of trial and error. But realistically for a lot of men, even if they undergo this process, things just don’t happen.

Whilst some do manage to get a foot in the door and build some kind of social capital, whilst furthering their career, and getting reasonably good with women. Only a far smaller percentage of men actually get to a stage where they are able to connect with the women they want, and in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling.

In extreme cases, we have a lot of men completely falling off the arena. And thus we enter the dark world of incels and other women rejecting and for that matter, woman-hating (i.e. misogynistic) spheres.

In terms of a remedy, the answer is simple but tough to implement in practice. And that is having the right Leadership. Like anything that is good in life, you need to start somewhere. You need a helping hand to guide you. To show you how things are done. On how things correctly (effectiveness), and in a way that produces optimal results (efficiency).

This is where we come in.

If you as a man are in need of dating, relationship solution. No matter what stage in life you are in. No matter your experience with women or the lack thereof. If you are looking for a plan of action, with clear steps, that can help you overcome your fears, and give you a practical road map to help you in this journey, aimed towards achieving concrete outcomes with women that you desire, then this might be for you.

Consider the words of Epictetus, the second century Greek philosopher who was born into slavery, who stated: ‘Seek not the good in external things; seek it in yourselves'. 

For the first step in helping men get the girls they want, is to strengthen them so that they are already for the most part fulfilled inside.

Beat Misogyny with True Masculinity 

It’s been said before, but I will say it again: only a weak man hurts women. There is no pride to be taken in harming someone vulnerable, especially someone you covet, but are unable to possess.

Whilst many in the media and other social commentators are quick to dismiss the incels as a bunch of misogynistic nut cases who need to be prosecuted and/or given medical treatment. The right response to this social problem-which could be getting worse, given the percentage of men who are dropping out of the dating space-is to help men.

Radical stuff! But the point is serious. The only way society can prevent tragedies like Elliott Rodgers and other hams caused by frustrated young men who would proceed to take out their frustration on women and the world is to give them guidance, by providing the methods of navigating the dating arena successfully.

A masculine man is a person who is confident in his own abilities, knows what he wants, and how to go about getting it, whilst being mindful of the needs and wants of others.

True masculinity is a strength that gives, cares for, and protects. Qualities that attract women to men. For it is the absence of these in many modern men that is driving them towards such false and potentially dangerous beliefs.

If society is serious about protecting women from dangerous criminals, then it is time that we start by helping boys become real men, and help men become better men.

Who Needs Help 

When it comes to the problem with incels, and other groups of men who have trouble relating to women, irrespective of their identification with such movements; it is tempting to think only in terms of the extremes. That it is to say, the only kind of men who have a problem with women and society are those who get involved in such forums, and later venture out, or at least consider carrying out acts of violence.

But in practice, this problem of men not being able to relate to women and develop relationships is far more widespread. Even a lot of men who are able to carry out a normal conversation or develop and maintain acquaintance with women, do have trouble when it comes to that part of the relationship.

As even perfectly normal guys, who have other areas of their lives sorted, might not be able to get what they want when it comes to the opposite sex.

Let’s face it, most men are not studs or a-list celebrities. Getting girls might be straightforward or seem conversely like rocket science. The question is what part of the spectrum do you fall into?

Ask yourself do you think this is an area you can improve in? Do you think you could do with some professional guidance to get this part of your life fixed once and for all? If the answer is yes, then help is only a few clicks away.

In Conclusion

Men who hurt women have problems. Men who have trouble relating to women need guidance. The answer to building a society where men and women work together and have better relations is a leading question that requires men who have established themselves in the industry, in life, and in relationships to step and lead other men who wish to learn and grow.

The core problem when it comes to incels and other groups of men who have trouble relating to women is one of mindset. Getting other areas of your life sorted does not guarantee success in the dating space. Dating and relationships, at least first is a skill game that requires knowledge on how to navigate it. A lot of men need that guidance, but only a few seek it. Don’t let that be you.

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