In our writings we have spoken a bit about the subject of attracting women and becoming a better men.
In fact, looking back, it has become one of the centrepieces along with the focus on mindset, personal development and financial freedom.
Which tells you a little bit about the growing significance of this subject matter.
In fact a skim through the top video sharing sites like YouTube, increasingly Tik Tok and Instagram reels-the latter probably the platform where this trend took off-you will encounter people, predominately young adults giving a lots of dating advice to prospective audiences and their subscribers.
These titbits of information, that range from short clips to hours-long podcast episodes which are spread across a range of subjects: From meeting a girl for the first time, running dates, improving your style, grooming, mindset and of course sex.
All of which have become hugely popular in the online space with good reason.
Needless to say the overwhelming majority of such content are aimed towards men. Men in the prime years of their lives where sex and relationships as it relates to the opposite sex are often the dominant concerns.
Now in catering to these various concerns, the attempt to address the many fears and hurdles that men face when it comes to the subject of women in their lives has produced, one could say an indirect problem.
A problem of Too Much Information.
Which is to say that is way too much noise in the dating and relationships space: in the form of videos clips, video essays, YouTube shorts, Tik Tok videos and Instagram reels, podcasts and the like that hit on a variety of subjects that pertain to male and female relationships. So much so that it becomes easy to just get lost in it.
Having looked at this problem from within, for admittedly we too are a part of it, we have come to notice one of the main, if not THE main problem when it comes to dating and relationships for men in the modern world.
And that is the problem of the cold approach. Which needs specific attention in resolving.
The Dating Scene: All Talk and No Action
Just before I started writing this post I was researching some materials on the subject when I encountered a YouTube channel of a young woman.
She looks to be somewhere in her mid-to-late 20s, with her message being directed solely towards helping men get better with women.
Her content, now number around 200 + videos, consisting solely of YouTube shorts is doing pretty well. With 150K subscribers. Which is better than not bad, when you think about all those other YouTubers with many more (long) videos with far fewer subscribers to show.
To her advantage she’s pretty, relatively well spoken and her YouTube shorts are well edited to deliver a punchy message. And her messages themselves are generally on point.
And she is not the only one. As the news of men in the modern world struggling in the dating and relationship business started to spread, it was only natural that interested parties would enter this space to help their fellow brothers out.
Which is fine. However the question has to be asked how effective have these strategies to help men get better in the dating world and with women in general have actually been?
Now this is not the place for a social science lesson (or a social media science lesson) but the question has to be asked, that when it comes to the struggles that men are facing in the dating world, are they being truly solved by the many dating tips, and style and lifestyle advice that are out there.
Particularly the sort that don’t put the onus on men to take action.
Real F***ing action.
This takes us to one of the main side effects of the plethora of content on dating advice/tips for men. And that is the problem of consuming without acting.
The Problem of ‘Watch but Don’t Learn’
One of the interesting developments of the rise modern dating scene is the pickup industry.
Pickup or ‘game’ as it is known, involves the art of meeting and connecting with women. Often women you have never met or seen before.
Often this takes place during night time encounters, but practically it can happen anywhere it isn’t against the law for adult men and women to interact with each other.
This ‘new way’ of meeting and connecting with opposite sex, unlike from social circles, the friends of friends, or extended family (if you are into such things) or as it is now become more popular, through the internet, notably via dating apps; has open a new door for men who have historically struggled to meet women.
Considering the struggles that men are facing in the online dating market, with apps like Tinder and Hinge being heavily skewed in the favour of girls, men are compelled to find different ways to meet members of the opposite sex.
So the idea of the world around us: from parks to night clubs, from grocery stores to shopping complexes being a playground for men and women to… well connect as human beings, sounds liberating.
And it should.
But, unfortunately the idea of meeting girls in public, and importantly with the aim of starting something that could potentially lead towards a romantic connection is easier said than done.
For most men.
Hence into this space we have had a number of players, dating gurus and the like who have entered all with the aim of helping men.
And with a lot of content, with varying degrees of quality aimed towards helping men do better in this sphere of life.
When we speak of the problem of ‘Watch but Don’t Learn’ we are not engaging the problem with the quality of the materials. Which differ widely in terms of quality and effectiveness.
What we are talking about in terms of what is problematic about the online dating business is that a lot of men, possibly the majority have gotten hung up on the idea of simply consuming this content, endlessly, with little to show in terms of action.
The idea of consuming without doing. To improve one’s chances with the opposite sex simply by watching a lot of videos on dating and pickup is somehow magically going to solve the problem is a fantasy at best.
This point should be obvious but as weird as it may sound, it is a fair consideration that the idea of consuming content, rather than being informed by it, and then take it to the next, with the most critical step: to act on it, is not happening.
The idea of watching dating and self-help videos (which these days tend to go together) can become a habit in itself. Whilst the contents of the video and the overall message maybe good, the capacity and willingness on part of the viewer to do something with it, is another matter.
Whilst this model of content creation and viewership will work favour of the content creator, you as the guy on the receiving end need to ask himself some serious questions about what is actually going on in your personal life. For starters:
Do you have a social life?
Is there a girl in your life that you are interested in?
Have you spoken to her?
Are there other women who are in your social circle?
Do you have a social circle, or are just stuck at home in front of the screen all day?
As trivial as this may sound, these are serious questions that every man who wishes to get better at the dating women needs to answer truthfully.
In case the answer to one or more (or all) of these questions is in the negative, then you may, NO you DO have a problem on your hands.
The question then is, how do you fix it. How do you go about fixing or starting to put right your lack of success with women.
Get your A** Out There!
I guess there could be a more pleasant way of saying this, but actually no, there isn’t.
If your idea of getting good with women come down to getting better photos (possibly Photoshopped ones), and then to sit on your a** swiping all day hopping for some hot girl to swipe right at you, then you might as well stop reading at this point.
Look, when it comes to getting better with women at any level, your ability to just go out on a given night, or basically at any time of the day when you have a few moments and walk up to a girl you find pretty or interesting and say ‘hi’ is key.
There is really no way around it. Many, many problems that men have (or think they have) when it comes to the opposite sex can be confronted and potentially resolved by mastering this one skill.
Skill? Yes skill. You see, back in the day (which is not too far back when you think about it) the way men and women met each other was primarily, and often solely through face to face contact. (Crazy right).
Unless we are talking of parts of the world where arranged marriages are popular, when it comes to making something happen romantically or sexually in your life, it generally means getting out there and doing the needful.
And what is that exactly?
Again, it could mean the simple act of walking up to a girl, a stranger no doubt, and saying hi, and then having the know-how to take things forward.
A task that is easier said than done.
A point that we understand quite well. One that pertains to the dreaded subject of approach anxiety. Which is what shall tackle next.
Overcoming Approach Anxiety
The problems associated with approach anxiety and how one is to go about dealing with it is something we have engaged from time to time in our other posts.
Here we shall provide a quick breakdown of the problem, and practical steps, both mental and social on how to overcome them.
When it comes to approach anxiety the crux of the problem is the sense of fear or unease that you as a man feel inside of when in the presence of an attractive female. Especially a girl you would like to talk to.
Experts in the space have sourced this problem back to our evolutionary history.
From the times of cave men and primitive tribalistic societies where males ran a very real risk of getting having their heads knocked in if they approached the ‘wrong’ girl.
Either the male she was with, or other members of her tribe might see you as a threat and deal with it accordingly.
On the other hand there is also the danger of ostracization. Considering that if the girl rejects you, that rejection in a small group of hunters and gathers would spread quickly and you will have lost credibility amongst your peers.
Whilst these realities are a thing of the past (mostly) the fear from this period of time remains. Men in the modern world who living in developed societies with civil laws and regulations still carry with them this sense of unease.
One that, when it comes to the subject of talking to strange girls you have never seen in a public place, translates into approach anxiety.
So when you go back to those instances when you feel that sense of unease, butterflies in the stomach, or even fear in the presence of a girl, think about what we have said here.
That fear, whilst understandable, is ultimately irrational. Of course this does not mean that you shouldn’t exercise caution.
For example it would be a bad idea to approach a girl who is with somebody but even then, if you do it carefully, it should be fine.
But again, this is easier said than done.
So HOW do you overcome approach anxiety? What are the practical steps a guy can take when it comes to rising above this very real problem.
Step 01: Forget the Girl
Okay. Now this might sound counter-intuitive, but when it comes to the task of overcoming approach anxiety, the first thing to consider is that it is Not about the girl.
But wait… you might ask, isn’t the girl the whole point of the approach?
Yes and No.
Since we are in the Mindset business, let’s break this problem down this way: When it comes to approaching a hot girl, the work needs to be done by you. You, the man, who finds this girl attractive, interesting etc. Needs to take the first step. The second step. The third step etc.
This means that until you muster the courage and act, nothing is going to happen on her side. She is just sitting or waiting or walking, until you make the move.
In which case, the first and most important hurdle that you need to overcome is… Well you.
You need to get your mind right before making that first step. Get yourself into a (mental) position where you say, this is after all about me. Not her.
Then get into a zone where you are outcome independent and make your move.
Which takes us to step 02.
Step 02: Be Outcome Independent
When it comes to cold approaching a girl much if not all of the anxiety stems from what her reaction would or could be.
This is understandable. For the reasons mentioned above (the argument from our primitive origins) but also when it comes to what her reaction would be at that particular instance.
When it comes to approaching a girl in public there is also the question of what will other people think!
What happens if the interaction goes awry, like you forget what to say.
What happens if the girl says that she is not interested.
What happens if people around you hear what you say!
What happens if the girl just ignores you!
The fear of the ‘What if’ is arguably more problematic than the act of approaching itself. And that is something you absolutely MUST overcome.
And the simple (or not so simple way to do this) is not worry about any of these things.
You see a girl you like, you find somewhat interesting, and the setting you are in does not limit human interactions or is not particularly uncomfortable to do so (like a subway) then you should just go for it.
Just walk up introduce yourself, read her response then keep going.
Now provided you get this far, the question now is: What do you do next? Well, this on to step 03.
Step 03: Take Massive Action
Okay. So now we are getting into something more technical and outcome oriented part of the cold approach. One that has become the interest of many a dating guru or coach in the space.
This is part where your actions are intended towards attaining a specific outcome.
Look at it this way, the point of approaching a girl, just for the sake of saying and then ending it there would be a waste of time and energy. And really as a man who is looking to improve his experiences with women this should not be on your mind.
Your objective for approaching her girl is for one of two main outcomes: getting a number or setting up a date.
The question is how do you do so.
Now this is the interesting part, whilst there is a lot of content out there on how to do this, our recommendation for you is to simply start doing this.
That is you start cold approaching girls when spot a right opportunity: say hi, exchange basic info and then see where it goes from there.
We are not going to provide any specific clues, tips, guidelines on what to say, how to say it, and for what intention. The aim of this exercise going forward is to learn by doing.
So the next key stage in overcoming approach anxiety and getting better with women is to approach girls.
A LOT of girls.
Just start doing this as a habit. Whenever you are not too busy, or too tired or unless it is an emergency. Just keep going it and you will learn more from these encounters than virtually any dating plan online.
Our golden advice to you is to keep approaching girls: Say hi, start up a conversation and learn from that experience.
You grow and learn by doing. That is the best way.
Just make sure to maintain basic hygienic. Work on your fitness, read and improve your mind, strive towards financial independence, at the same time.
Things which are easier said than done. Which is where we come in. If you are looking for a professional programme to help you through not just cold approaching girls, but on developing all of the other key areas of life your, then you might want to consider this:
Note our business principle is to deliver. Deliver what you are looking for or your money back. If you think you are up for it. Let us know.
And good hunting!