There is a lot of content around these on the topics of men and masculinity. Much of it is tied to one or more of the following areas: Health and fitness, women and dating, masculinity, and confidence.
All of which at a more general level converge on the topic of ‘lifestyle’. The latter is a concept or idea that is supposed to bring together these somewhat disparate subject areas into a unified framework.
Speaking of masculinity in practice-which invariably refers to the world of social media, and the goings on on the internet-this idea (or ideal) that often takes the form of a person: Usually an ‘influencer’ and/or social media personality (or in the worst cases, a self-proclaimed guru) who positions himself as some expert in the field of men. In addition to claiming knowledgeability on a host of other topics that are related to the matter.
A common thread that runs through many of these guides, gurus, ‘experts’, etc. Is the particular fixation on one particular issue or problem that relates to men: Which could be a guy’s social skills, fitness, or diet; his ability to interact with women, having a successful career, etc.
As is often the case, what you find with these ‘experts’ who claim to be in the business of teaching men how do x,y, and z, on the basis that they themselves have gone through it, is often a limited or inadequate package. For what is being sold is often the framework for improvement in ONE area of your life, but NOT the other.
Further, upon deeper scrutiny, what you find with such ‘experts’, men invariably, is that they too seem to be people who are still finding their feet in the area of expertise they claim to have mastered. And their position in the sphere they purport to operate in is greatly tied to what they too are trying to achieve.
However, very few in this space are able to provide a wholesome solution. One that engages the main facets of a man’s life: from finance, dating, mindset, and leadership, in aiding his growth and development.
As we shall learn in the course of this post, the idea of becoming a more masculine man goes beyond the idea of simply following a set of rules or emulating the ‘example’ set by some self-proclaimed expert in the field. That developing the mindset of a winner goes further than being able to simply change your way of thinking. That developing financial independence is a lot more than just signing up for some get-rich course.
The fact is all of these areas are connected. To a great extent, one cannot do without the other.
One of the main challenges that people, particularly young men who are trying to find their way in this world are faced with is their ability to find the right kind of leadership.
A kind of leadership that is able to provide the kind of guidance that is useful, relevant, and empowering in a way that aids their growth, to help them achieve their fullest potential.
The problem is that more often than not the help that is available to men today, that comes from a variety of sources who claim expertise in the field, is the tendency to focus on one specific area but not the other: dating or finance; social skills or personal fitness, etc.
A lot talk about being a tough, virile, masculine man, but with very little focus on the fundamentals of being a man: Financial independence, self-confidence built on the right values, the belief in the right principles, and what the mastery in these areas mean for a person who is intent on making genuine progress in his life.
When it comes to personal development, there are a number of core areas of your life that simply cannot be neglected. Getting better with girls is only going to get you that far if your aim is to achieve financial independence.
Building a great physique would certainly help with your confidence but that will not give you the mindset to endure the hardships and challenges that life will throw at you.
Being able to build a business and achieve financial independence is not going to mean that girls are going to come flocking to your doorstep.
Each area of your life requires dedicated attention. It requires the kind of problem-specific leadership that can not only diagnose whatever problem a person may be facing, but is able to provide the tools, insights, and tailored guidance that is specific to you as a person. To you as a man to overcome them.
We have all heard about the importance of role models. That it is important to find, and learn from a person who has been and done that: A person with know-how and credibility who has gone through the trials that you are presently facing.
However, the question is what kind of role model is the right one? What counts as a genuine contender for being that voice of reason, a source of leadership and motivation in your life? By ‘what’, we actually mean ‘who’. Do you have that person in your life?
Who is the type of people, should you choose to follow if your aim is growth and development? If your goal is to improve as a person, rather than simply be better at picking up girls at the bar, or look better on Instagram. What kind of process of development should you sign up for?
As there is no shortage of personal and professional development programs today that promise you results in one or more areas of life, it is important to get a grasp of what we consider to be three key areas. Let’s break them down one at a time.
It all starts with what you believe.
A person can be given all the support in the world; have access to 101 books, courses, and programs on how to get at ‘x’, or ‘y’. But in the absence of the right frame of mind: that is a way of looking at the world and at oneself, then no amount of help, however sophisticated (or expensive) is going to help.
Getting to that state of mind: one that is willing to learn, to grow, but above is able to see reality for what it really is, requires the commitment to growth in the face of hardship. That mindset does not come easy.
We have all heard the idea that life is a journey. One that is filled with ups and downs, victories and setbacks. This is true. However often what is missed in these conversations on the nature of life is the journey that takes place within yourself.
What is going on through your head when you face up to challenges that you are confronted with? How do you react internally when you are faced with scenarios that test your metal as a man?
What happens when results, at least in the short term, don’t live up to expectations? What do you do in the face of rejection?
Yes, that word REJECTION. One that is a given. Which you must face up to, more often than not, if you are serious about making real progress in life.
So how do you confront these realities? Or more specifically how do you get to a stage, and underlying it a state of mind, where are able and willing to confront them. To get to a stage where you are living your life in the most optimal way.
The famous quote of the legendary Roman Philosopher – Emperor, Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations stated that “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength” ought to form the core of your view of life.
However, getting your mindset right is easier said than done. For it goes well beyond reading a few self-help books or listening to a few motivational speeches, or waking up on someday and deciding to work out three times a week and fast until 5.00 pm every day.
I mean if you have lived for any period of time in this world, you will know that changing your mind, or getting anyone else to change their mind is difficult to almost impossible.
One of the main hurdles that humanity as whole faces, is the inability of people to change.
To change in the face of trial and adversity, to be able to make different, difficult, and disruptive choices, and underlying to accept a growth mindset that not only accepts change and disruption but thrives on it. That is what is needed in the pathway towards freedom.
Another major component in modern self-help, personal development, and the accompanying it, become the best version of yourself industry is masculinity.
Masculinity has started to make something of a comeback in recent years. Albeit at a more sub-cultural level, operating primarily in the social media, and online space.
This is understandable. Since a lot of the people looking for help in bettering their life are men. Young men in particular. And a lot of them, particularly in the West, have had little in terms of guidance when it comes to who they are as men.
However, on the positive side, the question of what it means to be a man in the modern world has started to enter popular imagination, and about time too. Led by thinkers like Jordan Peterson, combined with an interesting upsurge in the recognition of belief in traditional values and principles.
The trouble is there is no universal definition when it comes to masculinity. Or at least not a universally reorganized one.
Contemporary discussion about men and masculinity often ranges from the broad and abstract: where anything from being a man in a biological sense to simply identifying with the concept is considered ‘masculine’. Which in practice allows whoever to attach whatever meaning or interpretation to what this term actually means.
On the opposite end, there is the ‘critical school’ that seeks to designate anything that is even vaguely associated with men and masculinity as bad, problematic, or to use the word ‘toxic’. The concept of “toxic masculinity” is one of the major and rather unpleasant development in the West in recent years.
At a time when men are in search of who they are, trying to discover the basis of their identity and develop a place for themselves in this world, they are now being bombarded with messages on the negative aspects of masculinity, or at a deeper level, on being a man.
For what is actually taking place is the misdiagnoses of the problem that arises from the mistakes that men are making as a collective, with a rather simplistic understanding of the term.
Then there are those, particularly in the dating and self-help space, that claim to know what it truly means to be a masculine man and make it their duty to teach them on discovering. This is rather appealing for many young men, who live an uninitiated life and are not in touch with their masculinity.
The problem with the latter is that are too many voices. Too many perspectives on masculinity, whilst intended well in terms of their orientation to affirm masculinity in a traditional sense: that of the defender, protector, provider, and leader. But often fall short in terms of how their understanding of masculinity lines up with the broader question of what it means to be a man.
Notice that the two points are not the same. Being more masculine as a man presupposes the idea of manhood. That is to say and to get a bit politically incorrect, to be biologically male, and to have the orientation towards principles like being a provider, defender, leader, etc.
For these things are not a given. Simply because the person in question happens to be male does not mean he will necessarily be predisposed to pursue outcomes that define the idea or ideal of masculinity.
And even if the person in question wishes to embody such masculine qualities it does not necessarily mean he will succeed in his quest. Especially if the idea of masculinity that he adopts is a misguided one, or the guidance he receives is woefully inadequate.
Interestingly the answer to the raging questions on men and masculinity is a rather simple one. What does the idea of masculinity mean in the context of who you are as a person?
Do you wish to be a man who takes responsibility, who wishes to face these fears, and who desires to live by the right principles? To be a man who leads, who is able to have control over his financial density and have the freedom when it comes to pursuing women and success in life?
If the answer is yes, then you are on your way toward becoming a truly masculine man. The question now is the process that is going to get you there. But before we get there, onto the next point.
Money is important.
There is a lot that has been said about one of the central facets of life (cold, hard cash). A lot of negative. But its significance to leading a good life can never be understated.
Beware of those who devalue the importance of money. In fact, it is advisable to be wary of anyone who downplays the importance of money, or what it really implies: financial independence when it comes to leading a full, meaningful life.
Whilst the great Greek philosopher Epictetus had a point when he said that ‘Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. It is important not to negate the importance and the reality of our needs and wants to who we are as people and what we wish to become.
Since the idea of being a successful man is naturally tied to your social status, which in present times correlates with, how much money you have and are able to make.
Again with good reason. Without financial security, nothing gets done. You need money to survive. With more money, you can invest in yourself to grow and develop as a person. (Interestingly that is what Education is supposed to do, but yea).
With even more money (thousands of dollars in disposable income) you get to a stage where you are able to start a venture. A business or any undertaking that can (legally) generate wealth, that in times can help you attain a position of financial security.
Once again we are faced with the question of ‘how’. How does one get to that stage?
The key here is to keep the previous factors in line with the key question of freedom.
Freedom is one of the most (or arguably the most) cherished things in life. People are willing to work, fight and in some cases die for their freedom.
For most of us fortunate enough to be living in the West, or in other stable parts of the world, to be free generally comes down to how much money we have, and our propensity to spend it.
This is why most of us, whether we realize it or not, are caught up in the ignominious ‘rat race. But in context manhood, it is a perfectly justifiable one for the reasons stated above.
The question now is are we going about it in the right way? And critically in a way that corresponds to the other key areas of mindset and masculinity.
So what is needed is an all-around approach to the problem. Get your mind in the right place. Start believing in the right things. Start working on your physique and develop social skills; get to work on building a business, or find new sources of income. And yes in the meantime get out and start approaching those hot girls you always wanted.
But… And there is always a but, is there is the question of how do you get going? What key steps do you have to take it to move forward in your journey towards attaining true freedom? What process or framework should you commit to as a man to succeed?
Time to Take Action
The first step is to recognize the need for a plan of action for getting what you want out of life.
Getting good with women, attaining financial independence, becoming a masculine man, and having the mindset that empowers you to go work towards them requires a commitment.
You need to want it and be willing to work towards it if you are going to have it. And critically to recognize that it is not one or the other.
Being able to get the girls you want is not going to bring in the cash. But at the same time, being dead broke, or having to worry about paying your bills and having to live pay check to pay check is not making your dating life any easier.
And yes, being ridiculously rich does not mean you are going to be crushing it with the ladies.
What you need is a game plan. What you need to succeed in life is a program that provides the tools and guidelines to equip and direct you towards the path where you are able to make things happen for yourself.
What is needed is NOT some ad hoc, motivational, woo-woo nonsense that sells you the idea of feeling good about something you want. But is actually able to show you the way towards getting what you want in life, by providing the leadership that will keep you to your goal virtually every step of the way.
What you need son is a leader. A man of action, with a proven record, that guarantees results for those who are willing to work for it. Who will work with you in helping you achieve your goals in dating, finance, and personal leadership all built on the mindset of winners.
In sum, life is a story of growth and development. It is about learning and improving in all areas, whilst excelling in a few. To become really good at something you need to work. Commit to the idea of self and social improvement.
But critically don’t do it alone. Reach out. Get help. When you start working towards your goals, measure your progress, stay motivated, and keep a close eye on the results. And remember guys: It’s all connected. You cannot fail in one key area of life and expect to succeed in another. All the best.