If there is one word that describes the toughness of life it is loss. To lose something is not easy. Especially if that something is irreplaceable. Like a person.
Loss is a part of life. To lose something and to gain something else is the nature of our existence. But to lose something you are unprepared to, to lose something you don’t want to… That is something else.
And we are here to break that something breakdown: to explain what it means to lose something, or someone special, and how you should as a man, go about dealing with it.
To deal with the reality of loss in a way that ensures that you rise from it a stronger, better person.
What is Loss?
Loss can take the form of being deprived of material goods or possessions or real persons.
Often the most difficult type of loss is to lose someone who is close to you. Someone you love and care for. Someone who you have come to rely on, either for security, emotional strength, or intimacy.
When one speaks of loss often it is a combination of all of the above. At the end of the day, the idea of losing someone who means something to you is never easy. It shouldn’t be.
The question is what do you do after experiencing loss? How do you come out of it? What are the steps you ought to take to rise above this loss?
This is not a simple subject matter. And really there is no simple answer, or a one-size fits all solution one can give to someone who is undergoing a painful loss. Particularly if it is someone close to you. Someone you have come to rely upon.
What we can provide however is some pointers, guidelines, and words of wisdom that can greatly help a person who is dealing with it.
Make no mistake, the life of a man, the life of a breathing human being is going to feature some kind of loss. And so how you deal with it, will be key in determining your life’s path.
And indeed how well you as a person deal with losing something that is important to you, or someone who is close to you, and the manner in which you rise above it, and go on to face the challenges of your life, will determine the trajectory of your life. On whether you succeed or fail.
Loss and Success
I understand the reader, particularly if he (or she) is undergoing some type of loss at this time, especially of a personal kind, might be off put by the term ‘success’ in relation to loss.
One might be wondering, what the heck does success have to do with me having lost something or someone who is dear to me!? ‘For what matters to me now is in getting through this challenging time!?’
And you are right. You are absolutely right in thinking so. Who has time for success and a career when what is in front of you is the loss of something important or someone close to you?
Loss is something everyone goes through in life. It is a part of life. It is a fact of our mortality. However, not everyone deals with loss the same way.
This is a serious point.
Note, that in life, when you hear about success stories: survivors, winners, champions, and leaders; when you look deeper into their lives, what you find is… loss.
Now, this is where one would cite a famous example. Of someone important who has endured great hardships, and terrible pain. Or in a word loss, and thus to show the reader why loss is an inescapable part of life.
But we have heard, seen, and read about these examples before, so I would encourage the reader to look up a person who has had success in his life, and one would invariably find loss amidst the story of success.
However, what we would also like to focus on, is the idea of success in overcoming the pain of loss: On how this idea can inspire you to be set on the journey toward becoming a stronger version of yourself.
The maxim, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is important for more reasons than one.
When it comes to loss, where you have been bereft of something you value, something you have potentially always relied upon, something you have come to treasure is going to hurt. It should. As humans, we know that pain is a part of life.
But what it must also be aware, of is that the pain of loss can also become a source of new strength and motivation. The opposite is where the pain takes over. It comes to consume you.
Loss as a Pathway to Growth
In citing the importance of success, it is important that the reality of loss never be downplayed. Losing something you value or someone you love is never easy. It shouldn’t be.
But life is a precious thing. And someone who has it, you, must recognize its value and what it means: The opportunity to go on and potentially do great things.
This point seems obvious but it is easy to overlook. Especially when the pain of loss is overwhelming it. It must not be.
You see, many of the trials that surround the reality of loss come from the challenge of dealing with pain. Often it passes. But it never goes away. For some, problematically it consumes them.
The loss becomes permanent. And this is where things could get out of hand.
Let’s be real here. Life can get messy. To expression/question: ‘Can things get any worse’. Well, the answer to that is yes; they bloody well could!
But that’s where you must stand strong: As a man, or importantly, as a man of purpose, you must have something to live for. Your mission in life. And that is what we are getting at.
That no matter the pain of the loss that you are undoubtedly feeling, you need to connect, or reconnect with your mission in life.
That is what’s going to keep you going. That is going to be the driver that will not only help you refocus on what matters to you in life but one that, interestingly help you find that healing you seek.
Returning to the point about success, it is important to note that your mission in life and the idea of success must connect. As a man with purpose, your mission is not to just ‘do stuff’, to go through the motions. And wait for things to happen (i.e. get better).
To spend your time doing x, y, z with no broader goal or outcome in mind is not an option. Caz in the world there are way too many such people. And they invariably become failures.
And that may sound hard. And it does, but that is how life works.
Returning to the point about being consumed by loss. It is interesting how the point about success: the fact that many success stories you hear, often feature some kind of loss.
However what you Don’t hear, is that many, or arguably most failures in life, and we don’t mean that harshly, also are often a product of loss. That is the inability to deal with it correctly or well.
This point is especially true for men. Since men, traditionally are the loners. We are generally looked upon as being independent, self-sufficient, and able to withstand challenges all on our own.
However, for a lot of men, loss, whether financial or human, tends to hit hard, exactly for those reasons. Simply because a lot of men are not prepared to face it. A lot of men have not been taught how to deal with it. A lot of them simply aren’t ready.
Before we get to the part about how to-and we use this term carefully-’leverage’ loss, one must understand the nature of growth.
Growth doesn’t happen easy. For starters, growth relates to survival. You need to eat to grow. Of course eating, or having the means to buy food is much easier in present times (well at least for those who are living in the West). But the point is growth does not happen as a given.
In ancient times you had to fight for it. Whether you had to battle a wild beast or fight off a thieving marauder. You need to fight, and endure hardship to survive and grow. Life is such that it needs something to push it forward and to be pushed against.
If you are fitness you will know that to build muscle you need resistance. To push against something. The weight against which you should exert force. And the pain that comes as put in those extra reps. Especially the last few ones. They are the ones that usually matter.
For without that pain, without the loss of comfort, you’re not gonna have those ripped biceps. And with good reason. Life works in a similar fashion.
Loss as a Rite of Passage
Right now we are getting to one of the key realities that revolved around this subject. The loss of a parent.
Look, there is no way to make this easy. Nothing can be said, done, or given to take away that feeling. Those who have lost a parent would know what it means.
For one thing, it is painful. There is no getting away from it. It is real. And one must find a way to deal with it and fast. The question is how?
Now losing a parent can mean different things depending on the stage in life one is at. It is especially hard if it takes place during childhood. Particularly if the parent is a source of financial strength and security.
The idea of growing up without a parent in the formative years of your life is a terrible challenge. However, the pain is still considered even if you are an adult. For when you lose someone so close to you, you are in a certain sense losing a part of yourself.
The loss of your mother or father (or tragically sometimes both) takes away something that you held onto. A source of strength and comfort. And even if the time that you relied on them has long passed, their presence is likely to have been an unmissable source of strength.
To lose this is not easy. But… You must.
It is a part of growing up. It is a part of becoming a real man. It is a necessary step that every child, boy, and man must take.
The question is do you see it that way? Does the loss of your parent awaken within you the sense that this is a moment of change? A period of transition, one that is tough but necessary.
This point and this is not a politically correct thing to say, is especially true for men.
As men, we learn at an early age-at least we ought to to-that the only person we can truly rely on is ourselves.
Whilst this in principle applies to all humans since the only aspect of life we can truly control is ourselves. However, as men, we don’t have or rather we cannot come to rely on that special someone. A partner, someone who can take care of us. To make things happen in our lives.
Now in the gender-confused world that we live in, where women are not only expected to do everything men do, but are expected to think, act and want the very things that we do.
Be that as it may, women, pretty much across the world, still have that assurance of a man coming into their lives, taking the lead, and being that protector and provider.
And if it is not going to be men, then at least, according to our red pill buddies, they have the legal system and government to rely on.
The fact is, women despite all the unique challenges that they face in life, do have the benefit of being provided for either by the men in their lives, the state, or other support networks.
For men, and here we are talking about men who seek growth in life, who want to develop as a person, and yes, the kind of men who wish to make a mark on the world, the idea of relying on someone becomes somewhat problematic.
This is not to say that relying on someone is necessarily a problem, but rather it is the underlying mindset: to have the courage, know-how, and resources to go it alone. For even if you cannot at the moment, you must aspire to. That is what makes a true masculine man.
So what we are getting at is the importance of tying the reality of loss with the importance of growth. With the idea of manhood. One that is developing.
It must be noted, and this a point which we have engaged before, it is that manhood is not something you simply grow into, it is a stage in life in which you must work your want into.
The rite of passage, which is virtually absent in the modern world, is a stepping stone from boyhood to manhood. And the loss of a parent is a natural one that is a part of this process.
For it is not just about the loss itself but is also about you becoming a fuller version of yourself through it.
That now, without that guide, that leadership, that protective inspiration, you are now left to make on your own.
So if you are going through loss, especially as a man, recognize this moment was coming. It had to happen. And now it did, it is … Well death is never a good thing. But a necessary one. One from which you will grow stronger. If you want to.
Rising from Loss
There is no easy way out of this. The loss of a loved one at any time is going to be a challenge. But if there is one ‘positive’, and we use this word very carefully, it is that you can use this opportunity to grow.
To become better, stronger, and fitter. And you do this for yourself, but also to honor the memory and works of your loved one.
For our parents, their children are often the most precious things in this world. And for us doing well in life is what would give them the greatest joy.
For those of us, who grew up without parents, this could mean a guardian, an aunt or uncle, or even an older sibling. The point we succeed on their behalf and for ourselves.
The question is how?
Usually, we tend to end such posts with a call to action. Often encouraging the reader to consider some of our services, which are, mainly but not limited to men.
However, here we would like to end on a different note. With a suggestion.
Pain is tough. And going through it is not easy, and ideally, it is best you do it with someone. In the world today, people, especially men are in need of a community to support them. A tribe of mentors if you like, who can not only act as a source of strength but can guide them on the right path.
If you are interested in finding one that helps you heal and grow, try looking around here. You are bound to find something good.
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