Recently news reports started hitting the media space that Tom Brady, the famous American quarterback, and his marriage to the former supermodel wife Gisele Bündchen were on the rocks.
To provide some background, Tom Brady made his mark with the New England Patriots and currently plays with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. For those who are not familiar with American Football, Brady is considered to be among the best, if not the best quarterback of all time.
The guy has it all. Height, looks, status, wealth. But… As it happens, things were not perfect in his personal life. Not to delve too deep into this matter, but apparently, the man’s passion for football meant that he had to divert time away from his wife and kids.
This most likely gave rise to some unease between him and his partner of over a decade. With reports of growing friction between the a-list couple making waves, with some in the showbiz community even suggesting the possibility of divorce.
What is interesting, however, and that which is pertinent to this debate on the so-called ‘Red Pill’ movement is how this news was caught on by proponents of this view. With other red pill activists (or whatever you call these) starting to sound off on their tried and tested news bits.
Such as how and why relationships with women are a bad idea. Especially the long-term ones involving commitment. The red pill forums online have begun to use this (still unfolding) development as a sign that women are unreliable, untrustworthy, and ultimately are not worth it.
To make their case of why society is stacked against men. That even alphas (guys at the top of their game) cannot seem to make it work with women.
This is supposed to be taken as a message for the rest of men (i.e. the vast majority) that things, no matter how good they may seem when it comes to other aspects of your life, things will always turn out badly (for the guys).
Before we proceed any further, the question is: What is the red pill!? And how and why is it problematic?
Particularly for men who are trying to make it in life, by trying to build something for themselves and to contribute positively to society. Let’s find out.
What is the Red Pill?
Here’s a quick breakdown of what the red pill is. For those who are already familiar with this movement, feel free to move to the next section. Though it might be worthwhile to read on as we will make this short and to the point.
The concept of the ‘red pill’ is borrowed from the classic sci-fi movie: The Matrix (1999).
In the movie, during the famous first meeting between Neo Anderson and Morpheus, the wise captain of the Nebuchadnezzar, explains to Neo the true reality of the world he lives in.
The world is in fact a fantasy created by the machines who have long enslaved humanity. A dream world where things exist only in their mind, masking the true (and ugly) reality of the real world.
At the end of the conversation Neo is given a choice: take the ‘blue pill’ and go back to living the life he always did: that is a dream world created by machines to keep humanity down. Or to take the red pill and discover the true nature of reality.
Not to get too engrossed in the captivating action thriller from the late 90s, the red pill movement took the idea of the literal red pill and turned it into a social group for like-minded men.
For men who reached that moment or time when they realize the true nature of the world, they live in.
That it is a world, where things are not what they seem. That despite what is being said on the news, media, movies, and other forms of entertainment, the world we live in is actually a pretty unfair place for men and a much better one for women.
Especially in the West, where the discussions on gender, gender equality, and women’s rights dominate: where much of the societal attention remains fixed on the health and well-being of women.
This is despite, as the red pill advocates argue (correctly if one might add) that the status of men in the world, and specifically the Western world, overall fairs much worse than it does for women.
This point has been made before, but we shall provide a quick summary of the main arguments that the red pill makes on how things are (they argue) rigged against men.
Men are more likely to be victims of violence.
Men live few years than women.
Men are more prone to violent crime.
Far more men end up in prison as a percentage than women (around 90 percent in the US).
Women are favored by the court system for child custody, alimony, and the division of assets.
Governments routinely enact laws or support policies that favor women over men.
All of these points are legitimate.
And even prominent public intellectuals like Jordan Peterson have commented on this and these points have been raised in other forums as well.
The issue with the red pill is that these arguments have been filtered down into a certain subculture-mainly online-where the main focus is on women. Or specifically on men’s relationships with women and what they reveal about the double standards in society.
The deck is stacked against men they say. In what way?
The Red Pill’s View of Women
OK. Now, this is where things get interesting (or problematic).
See the problem that men face in the world, in terms of double standards in divorce and custody, the trouble men are having in terms of overall health, and even poverty (i.e. the lack of financial success) are somehow related to, at least marginally to how women are as creatures.
Stay with me here, as this is an interesting and somewhat complex point. One that to our understanding is not been fully explained. Not that we claim to have fully understood it.
But there are certain key assumptions that underpin the red pill movement that is strongly built on their views about women.
The most notable here is the kind of misconceptions that dominate the thinking of men in relation to women.
Such as the fairy tale love story of boy meets girl, fall in love and, and go on to live happily ever after does not work. That only a few men dominate the dating market. And women cheat on men, especially if they are weak financially and in terms of status.
A problem that is partly a function of upbringing, but also due to the character of the world they (we) live in today.
These misconceptions, or better, a general lack of understanding of how the world actually works, is due to many factors. One that today, particularly in the post-industrial West affects men, both young and old.
The main group of men who are considered to be the most susceptible to these realities men and boys is not in the top tier of society in terms of wealth, status, and to a lesser extent physical prowess in terms of looks and fitness.
A key point that underpins the worldview of the red pill as it concerns women is the concept of hypergamy. A term that broadly defines the desire by women for men of a higher socioeconomic status.
The term status is a key aspect of human society.
Broadly all human beings can be categorized into groups that correspond to their social status or the lack thereof. This is a point that applies especially to men. As women it is (rightly) believed are not subject to these standards, owing to their value which is derived from their beauty and desirability.
This is of course a function of age and genetics and other factors. Nonetheless, as the red pill argument goes, women, especially young and beautiful women make the calls when it comes to which man they deem worthy to date, sleep with and later marry.
This means a lot of guys are going to struggle to make it, not only with women but preceding in life itself. Since success with women is (again) right understood to be a function of a man’s status in society.
Right. So that’s quite a bit. And for the causal observer, many of these observations may seem on point. Maybe these red pill guys do have a point. A very valid one at that.
And when combines the tendency among women to choose men based on status, wealth, and fitness, and together the kind of social calibration that is needed to thrive in the relationship space, then that is going to leave a lot of men out of the game.
And guess what, that point is true as well. But…
What the Red Pill Gets Wrong
Look, admittedly the red pill does get a lot of things right. But they also get a lot of things wrong. And by ‘wrong’ it does not mean to say that their analysis is off point.
Rather it comes down to how the guys who embrace this philosophy choose to react to these realities.
Take the subject of women as picky when it comes to their prospective male partners. Whilst the point is valid that women, on average, do indeed favor men who excel in certain aspects of their lives, notably that which contributes to their financial standing.
Also that men who fail to succeed in life are left picking the pieces. Meaning they will have few partners if any.
However, what becomes problematic, a matter that is increasingly common in the red pill space is the broader negativity towards women as a sex.
Recognizing the hypergamous nature of women, whilst a step in the right direction has unfortunately given rise to a new basis for the dislike, distrust, and at times downright hatred of women.
Whilst the subject of ‘sexism’ has been overused, often irresponsibly by feminists and the like, but within that has come to be known as the ‘Manosphere’: which is a catch-all term for various men’s groups, like the red pill, that the distrustful attitude towards women as a collective, has bred deep negativity towards the opposite sex.
One that manifests itself in problematic ways. In the worst instances, this has led to outright hatred of women that has potentially (whilst the connection is never explicit) contributed to violence against women.
One of the main issues with the red pill philosophy is that it operates at different levels, which makes it difficult to pin down and engage.
Whilst its many views are legitimate as noted, however, the manner in which these views are absorbed and later potentially acted on by the various groups of men, often economically disenfranchised and socially marginalized persons is a different matter.
The main issue with the red pill today, one that has rightly been taken note of by those who operate in men and masculinity and to a lesser extent in the personal development space, is how the red pill philosophy affects the mindset of men when it comes to women.
Affects the mindset of its followers, mainly by pushing them away from women, and the principles of self-development, which is a key to attracting women.
The importance of attracting women and becoming a better man is a subject we engaged in a different post. Where the key takeaway was that in order to become a fully rounded masculine man, being good in the game (i.e. women and relationships) was a key part of that process.
The trouble with the red pill community (if it can be described as such) is that women are viewed as objects of pleasure and conquest at best, and enemies at worst.
The kind of anti-feminist content that is characteristic of such red pill characters on social media is borderline sexist proper.
This is not helpful.
Our philosophy of self-development has always been to view the process of attracting women as a part of your journey towards becoming a better version of yourself.
Whilst ‘the game’: that of attracting women is part of it, the main objective is to help men become stronger, and most importantly to discover their true purpose does not seem to be the aim of the red pill.
Further, the problem that the red pill has with women and society goes deeper than that.
You see when you view an entire group of people (women in this instance) as enemies or as those who are not there to support you, you lose out on what women have to offer.
Let’s unpack this next key point.
Viewing Women as Partners Not Enemies
Much has been said about the changing role of men and women in society today.
The challenges that both sexes face have been balanced by the opportunities presented by the changing taking place in family and business spaces.
Speaking of the red pill movement and the manosphere in general, one of the points that are often thrown around is how men have to earn the love and affection of women.
That women are only waiting for the winners who succeed. And that the moment the success (or the money) runs out for men, the girls leave the guy dry.
The idea here is that women are only out for themselves and that men objectively speaking cannot expect anything good from the opposite sex.
This view is problematic for a number of reasons.
First off, anyone who has been in a committed relationship, one that has worked in the long term will tell you that a good relationship is a partnership.
Women and men bring something to the table. And both partners benefit from the connection. Not only in terms of emotional and physical support but in other avenues as well.
The red pill movement totally ignores this. For the red pill, women are trophies to be won, but also fickle creatures who only stick to the man for his money.
This appears closer to being a toxic ideology, rather than a movement that can help men.
To build men up in their financial life, their physical life, and critically their mindset. So that men, young and old can go and make it. And not be limited to their relationships or what society demands of men.
Our solution to men, particularly those who are struggling in areas of dating and relationships is to provide them with the knowledge and guidance so that they are ready to face life and succeed.
And NOT spending most of your waking hours bit**ing online on how unfair the world is.
Much has been said about the nature of women, men, and relationships in the modern world. The rise of the red pill movement was a collective response by men, who for the most part had legitimate concerns about the way modern society works, particularly its partiality toward women.
However this movement increasingly appears to be (or already has) shifted away from the goal of helping men navigate the world where these rules of hypergamy, the importance of status and power apply only as a reactionary force. One that has in the worst cases become a name-calling business, where men attack others (including men) who don’t adhere to their philosophy.
This is not the right path. At least not for those men who want to make a real difference in their lives and those around them. Including women.