No matter what part of the world you’re in, or what kind of academic background you may have, unless you are among the lucky few to have things easy, or have had things just handed to you from the beginning, you will know that things today for men, particularly young men are not easy.
A lot of men, particularly those who are active in the digital space-which in the world today is basically everybody-know this full well.
Whilst the world is moving forward in term of technology, infrastructure, and access to information, with varying levels of economic growth, at least in the developed world, the prospects for men on average is not looking great.
And here we are talking about the average guy who is just finishing school or college; the young bloke who is just entering the workforce, trying to make it in life. If you add the numbers equal pretty much the vast number of men in the workforce.
The question is what is happening to all of these men? What are they doing with their lives? And importantly, what are the kind of steps these young men are taking to improve their lives, as they make their way through a complex web of emotional, social, and financial hurdles?
The answer is a complex one and one that is not always hopeful.
For whilst there is a lot of promise in terms of shifts that are taking place in the West, particularly in the online space (where virtually everything takes place) as it relates to the status of modern men. There is also a lot of confusion, misdirection, and even abuse.
In this post, we will dig into some of the problem areas that are affecting not just the challenges that men are facing in the modern world, but importantly those revolve around the “solutions”: The bad advice, guidance, and in a word ‘leadership’ that they getting as they navigate the maze of modern life.
Problem with Forgotten Men
Generally speaking, when it comes to the topic of men and issues related to men there isn’t just good news around.
That is of course if the powers that be even consider the subject of men, masculinity, and personal development as it pertains to those who identify as biologically male, as worth mentioning (Hint: It invariably isn’t).
So if one is to delve into the data, to look beyond the flashy headlines on gender and women’s rights, on the endless discussions on helping various affected or “marginalized” groups, you will find that there is an awful lack of focus on the topics that relate to men and boys.
This is not to say that you wouldn’t find them.
But at least as far as the mainstream outlets are concerned and importantly the dominant narrative when it comes to the problems that ail society, there has been a woeful lack of attention on questions that pertain directly to men.
And this is a point we have touched on before. And admittedly it has gotten some attention.
Though not all of it good, as we shall see.
Moving on, the problems that affect men today are manifold, from:
– The declining academic performance of men in secondary education.
– Men in their 20s make less money than women (1)
– The higher rates of suicide among men.
These points and many others that are related to the status of men have been well noted. Though not enough admittedly.
However, what is generally missed, are the upstream issues. Matters which underpin these developments, contribute to why men as a collective are performing ever more poorly.
Notable here are the issues that pertain to the values and principles that are being taught to young men as they enter adulthood.
– Such as the kind of guidance that guys are getting when it comes to meeting and relating to women.
– The type of education they are being given when it comes to building a career and establishing financial independence.
The trouble that men, particularly young men in their formative years, and men who in the process of building their life comes down to the lack of focusing on these core issues of development that pertain to MEN.
And this point cannot be reiterated enough, as it has today led to a group, or better a ‘class of men’, wandering around, or in the case of the digital world, to search around for meaningful answers.
In this state of affairs, wherein the social sphere there is a lack of genuine attention on the issues that pertain to men, and the lack of dedicated information, resources, and yes leadership, has created a vacuum. A serious one.
And quite naturally, whenever such a space opens up, various parties enter to fill it. When it comes to men, a number of guides, self-appointed gurus, and yes, in the worst instances internet marketers who have basically spotted an economic opportunity, have begun feeding these men.
A lot of them are quite desperate, maybe not economically, but certainly emotionally, a lot of imperfect advice. And this has led to a number of problems. Some of them are potentially serious.
This takes us to the next point.
Good Intentions + Wrong Advice = Bad Outcomes
The subject of bad or ignorant people, who only think about money and themselves, on the internet who are out there giving bad advice, usually to impressionable young men, is a subject we have already engaged.
The dangers of the Red Pill movement and the growing industry of fake or phony financial gurus who make a living selling snake oil and quick fixes is a pervasive problem that has been getting growing attention and rightly so.
For our part, we are well aware of these actors, and other such movements. The focus here is on what is happening to a lot of these men who get caught up in their messaging.
And believe me, there are quite a lot of men, who are getting either confused, misled, angered by, and eventually ensnared by their toxic philosophies.
Let’s see how this problem works out in practice, in order to work towards understanding the right solution.
Teaching Men… To Hate Women
Let’s start with a major problem that has come to, sadly define the plight of many young men in the Western world: their relationship with women. Or the lack thereof.
The topic of learning to relate to the opposite sex, on developing self-confidence in order to approach and build meaningful connections with women is something we have strongly extolled.
And the emphasis placed on it is not without merit.
Again the numerous challenges that men are facing in this arena are well documented. However, the focus from the outside world (i.e. among those who are not directly engaged in the space) has been greatly limited to the negative side of the equation.
Such as incels, the woman-rejecting red pills, and the like. This is not entirely bad. Since it's natural for news media and others to focus on the negatives and to play things up (even when there is little reason to) for more attention, views, etc.
But sadly the real problem simmering beneath it all, one that appears to get the least amount of attention, is the state of mind of these, predominantly young men.
The hundreds of thousands, arguably much more souls who are being drawn into such orbits: one where its “leaders” are advancing a message that encourages the distrust, dislike, and outright hatred of women.
Take for example certain communities online-which we will not bother to name-who purport to “teach” men how to navigate their way in the world, including how to relate to the opposite sex.
However what’s really going on in these forums is the near-constant outpouring of content that portray women, and by extension relationships with women as problematic, unmasculine, or “beta”.
And this is done ceaselessly to a point where, under the heading of helping men in their relationships with women, the philosophy that is being advanced is that of an ideology that pushes men to reject women.
The fact that women are doing better relative to men on average across a variety of social indicators, and that policymakers and public intellectuals, and the media give scant attention does not mean that the right response for men, especially young men who are filled with hope for the future, to simply get mad at the status quo, shun the world of dating and relationships.
By closing themselves off from the world of personal growth and development (which necessarily involves getting better with women) and locking themselves in front of their computer screen is somehow going to make things better! Does it?!
But if you look closely at a lot of these ‘men’s movements’ online that is exactly what you are getting. And this does not help.
Just because some guys are doing better in life, and getting all the ladies, does not give men who are not doing good at the moment in life to simply throw in the towel, and become a bunch of raging sh** posters and internet trolls who attack those they disagree with.
Whilst those who are in the business of doing this might be making good on their investment (to communicate a bad message and make money off their followers). But of the many young men, who are just looking for a way out, who wish to find an outlet where they can express their concerns, have their questions answered, and hopefully find frameworks of strength to rely on and grow.
That is not happening. At least not often enough.
The Business of Giving Bad Business Advice
When it comes to money and wealth creation there is an unbreakable principle that underlies it all, and it goes something like this: You Gotta Know Your S**T’.
One of the main problems accompanying the trials that men are facing in the world today is a financial one. And it's one that is not just about making money per se.
After all, a lot of men who get caught up in a wave of self-doubt, be drowned in a well of anxiety when faced with the trials of life, and end up getting sucked into a downward spiral with no hope of a way out, are men who actually have something going for them.
A lot of men who are searching the web looking for answers when it comes to success in their personal life, to the questions of building a social presence, they want to be recognized and respected, often have the basics covered:
Such as having a decent education, a well-paying job, or a job at least with which to support themselves. What is missing however is the key differentiator.
Call it the ‘IT’ factor that helps sets the person apart from peers. The idea that all of us want to be special is true. And in the world today, making a lot of money is often tied with that idea.
Again, this viewpoint is not too far from the truth. But the trouble is the idea of associating money, or the principle it underlies, one that is called ‘financial independence’ (which is not the same as having a lot of money) is often been associated with quick-n-easy fixes.
Which include:
-
Get Rich Schemes that are neither ‘quick’ nor ‘rich’.
-
Self-Help Programmes that are loaded with Content but No end Value.
-
Wealth and Investment Courses that benefit the creators Not necessarily the recipients.
-
High-risk ventures that demand collateral, where returns are not guaranteed.
-
To blatant scams that are built on the cult-like appeal of the seller (e.g. useless NFTs).
And this business model of selling success is built on the philosophy that upholds the importance of personal freedom. Which in itself is a good thing. One that many, including us, uphold. Unfortunately what has happened this idea has taken on a life of its own. In the modern world, particularly among men, the idea of ‘Making it Big’ has become confused with ‘Making it Quick’.
This is understandable for many men, who are facing challenges in their personal, and social lives, with less than perfect work-life: with a controlling boss, bills to pay, poor domestic environments, etc. Can all compound and push the person, in this case, young men to seek out an easy way out.
This problem is especially acute in the world of dating and relationships. Where, in the past few years or so, countless number of these dating and pick-up artists (PUAs) have sprung up.
With each one promoting his product or program as the solution to all problems.
Now to be clear, this does not mean that there aren’t any good, decent, or even highly credible guys out there. The question however is, what kind of problem do you really have in your life, and what kind of solution is trying to apply to it?
Notice, whilst the problems are interrelated, the diagnosis for each: wealth, career, beliefs, and self-confidence are not always the same. In fact, trying to fix one problem, without considering the broader picture may mean misdiagnosing matters altogether.
The Answer: The Mindset Solution
There are no easy fixes in life. Even the ones that seem straightforward on the surface (e.g. approach anxiety) may mask deeper personal and emotional issues. One that cannot be wished away with a quick fix scheme.
And yes, nor the financial route for success, one that is admittedly very appealing-since money can address most problems-but rather than the one that starts at a more fundamental level. One that pertains to you who are, what you believe and what they mean in practice in the face of the trials of life.
This is where the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius that: “The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are”.
The answer we propose is the mindset solution. One that begins at the most fundamental level of. One that affects and in turn is affected by the world around you. And that means changes that affect this area of life, will come to have an influence on every other decision you make.
Your relationships with women, your friendship, your work, your pursuit of success, and beyond. This means any solution, product, or service that promises some kind of advancement, value, output, or success must be in line with your mindset. The question is, who is providing this type of solution?
We recognize the person behind the problem. The highly personalized character of the wants and yearning of the men who are out there looking for answers. The men who wish to make their lives better and who won't make difference need to find an outlet, a community that can understand who they are and what is good for them. One that can provide a clear road map for their betterment. For that’s what we do.
Conclusion
Life is tough. Life needs to be navigated. Life is about growing. Underlying it all, life is about learning. Learning constantly and improving. Success in life, in any area of life, requires work. But it also requires expertise.
The fact of the matter is not everyone has it? Not everyone has their s**t sorted out. Not everyone who claims to know and then sell success know what they're doing. And even if they do, very actually have your best interest in mind. Seek out the right solution. The mindset solution.
References:
The Guardian. 2022. Women in their 20s earn more than men of same age, study finds. [ONLINE] Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/29/women-in-20s-earn-more-men-same-age-study-finds. [Accessed 10 October 2022].
Leave a Reply