So we are finally here. After much debate on the topics of masculinity, leadership, coaching, mindset, and a bit of finance, we get to the heart of the matter for many men: dating.
The word dating may seem like a simple term. One that corresponds to the art of meeting and going out with women you are attracted to. And in the process being able to develop some meaningful connections. Nothing out of the ordinary.
But yes. That is exactly what we are talking about.
In case you have been following our topics, in an earlier post we engaged the importance for men to be able to attract women, and why getting good in the relationship department is a key stepping stone in the journey toward manhood and a key component of personal development.
One that applies to men who have reached adulthood, and for men who can boast some degree of success in the relationship arena (i.e. such as having a wife or girlfriend or not being a virgin).
In his post, we will proceed to break down some key points that men in the modern world must know when it comes to navigating and succeeding in the dating and relationship arena.
Note that these two are not the same. But as we shall see a lot of men have a lot of trouble just getting their foot in the door when it comes to this key arena of life. And with good reason.
Before we get started a quick word on what we are trying to accomplish here.
Our mission is to help people. Men primarily. To help them reach their fullest potential. And when it comes to a guy’s success or at least the absence of failure (as they are not the same) in life, mastery in the dating arena is key.
But a word of warning for the new reader, this post (and other content on the site as a whole) is not to be viewed as providing some quick-fix dating solutions to guys who are struggling in this arena. Whilst that is part of the deal, the real aim here is to help men become better, stronger versions of themselves. With that in mind, let’s get started.
1 Dating Isn’t Rock Science
Since our first objective is on getting the mindset right, let’s start at the very top: your attitude towards dating, and underlying it, women.
Look there is a lot of content around these days on the topic of dating, courting, and relationships. This often comes down to forwarding strategies that either help guys get laid or those that help find a long-term romantic partner.
But when it comes to starting out in the dating game we can put those things on hold, just for a moment, and focus on what it really is. Caz the way things are these days, a lot of guys seem to be getting the very concept of dating wrong.
First. When we say that dating isn’t rocket science, it does not mean that people, for example, yourself and your prospective partners are not complicated beings, of course, we are. Humans are complex beings with varying and diverse emotional and social expectations. In addition to what a person may be seeking at a physical level.
Rather, it is to state that the process of a boy meeting girl, and how things start to happen is a process. A very natural one.
When it comes to dating, and more broadly the question of women and sex, the key point to consider is that you as the man (presuming the reader is male) understand that the onus is always on you to get things started.
To be the initiator. To be the person who gets things moving. To take the first step. In sum, to be a leader.
This is the first and arguably most important part of the dating game– meaning that it is a competitive landscape (let’s face it, you are not the only one on the lookout for hot babes).
To succeed in the dating game you should be able and prepared to lead. Always. If there is one way to separate the guys who succeed in the dating arena from those that don’t this one factor would be it.
Once you have this frame of mind in place, the rest of the process, however daunting at first, becomes a whole lot simpler. And if you proceed to make the right steps moving forward, things tend to follow naturally. But not necessarily.
2 Women Prefer Alphas
Moving onto what is sort of the bitter pill that many men need to swallow: Is the fact that girls like men who are head of the pack.
Girls in the modern world prefer men who are smart, fit, successful, command respect from their male peers, and (in line with their success), the kind of men who are not afraid of conflict. Including the girls, they are interested in.
To take a step back. In the world today most men do not fit the characterization of an alpha male. In fact, there is some debate within the dating and personal development circles if the term “alpha” is even applicable since it gives rise to a certain hierarchy among men, which need not necessarily exist.
Be that as it may, the fact remains that guys who are good with their social skills, who are good with money (i.e. know how to make it and grow it); who are able to position themselves as leaders in their chosen field: academics, sports, fitness, self-help, entrainment invariably turn out to be the kind of guys who are able to get the girls they want.
So where does that leave the average guy?
Without presuming too much about the mindset and social status of the reader, it is a fair assessment that a lot of men who are struggling with their dating lives are not alphas. Or better, the way we would like to see things: The sort of Men who are not at the top of their game.
See, if the problem men are having with women comes down to their lack of status, money, networks, and their ability to stand up for themselves (have true confidence), it is right to think the problem we are dealing with goes beyond the purview of dating and relationships.
If the alphas or the guys who are successful in life are doing better with women, then logically that ought to be an invitation for you to become a success in your life.
Questions are: Are you one? And if not, do you know how to get there?
3 Be Yourself
Right. The idea of ‘being yourself’, or being ‘true to yourself’, or in a word, being ‘authentic’ has been endlessly debated in self-help forums, personal development programs, and the like. And for the most part, the literature and the converse overwhelmingly tilt in the favor of being just that: that of being faithful to who you are as a person.
But what does it actually mean to ‘be yourself’? Especially when it comes to the opposite sex? In a word, this comes down to upbringing: That is the kind of history you have been through when it comes to,
One: The concepts and teachings (morals) about sex and relationships.
Two: On how to go about expressing your desires and finding the right way to meet your wants.
Let’s break down each one at a time.
3. 1 Your Views About Women and Sex
If you are like most men who grew up in a traditional family (which is perfectly fine), it is a fair guess that discussions about sex and relationships would not have been the mainstay. And that’s fine.
What is problematic however if the topic of sex, but preceding that of relationships is viewed as ancillary, unimportant, or something that you are bound to pick up as you grow older. (Presumably from movies and TV).
Or worse, in some (very conservative) households, the idea of sex and relationships could even be viewed as taboo subjects. Something that is best not touched upon, and just better left for a different time and place (like never!).
However, at some point, particularly as you get to the later stages of adolescence some engagement of the topic, in a constructive and educative light is required. Especially for boys who are entering adulthood.
Usually, the person responsible for doing is the father. But this is not always forthcoming. Either the good old man does not come around to give some advice, or sadly for some is not there at all.
The problem is that young men who are entering the world of dating and relationships, particularly in the modern age with social changes, the effects of feminism, and the new trends brought forth by technology, are up against it.
Especially when considering that men today have very little training in what it means to be a man in the modern world, with no rite of passage, and lack the kind of personal leadership that is needed to succeed in life.
As a lot of guys simply aren't ready to take on these challenges, well except for the ideas they get about sex and women from Bro-magazines and online porn. That’s sure to help!
3.2 The Way to Full fill your Desires
This brings us to the next point: Knowing what you want when it comes to women and relationships is only one part of the equation, the next is knowing how to go about fulfilling it.
Notice that we are still in the arena of knowledge and mindset. For when it comes to taking action to get things moving in your dating life, you need a mindset adjustment for this too.
Simply knowing stuff about girls and dating is not going to cut. Heck, any jack a** can read a few articles or watch a few video clips and start talking like some expert on the subject.
The fact is when it comes to developing the right mindset and being able to take the right actions when it comes to women, there is a set of tips and tactics that you need to know.
Tactics that can only be learned from someone who has been there and done that.
Someone who is, in other words, an alpha male. An alpha not only when it comes to the arena of women and dating, but when it comes to being an all-rounded masculine man who knows what he wants and is able to get it.
So, presuming that you are clear about what your relationship expectations are, being able to make them a reality would involve taking the right action. The question is do you have what it takes to take concrete action in an area that you have little to no mastery of?
Caz believe me, this is easier said than done.
4 Don’t Kid Yourself
Right. Before we get to the meat of the matter: How to get your dating life on track (or online), we need to be clear out another key hurdle.
Which is arguably the most significant one: Knowing where you stand in life.
You see no two people are the same. No two men are the same. In the same light, the problems that men are facing in their dating life are bound to vary.
In the world of dating gurus, sex guides and approach coaches, and the like, what is often missed is the unique state and state of mind of the person in question.
Who are you (or we, in this case) dealing with when it comes to the questions of dating and relationships?
Be honest. What is your lay count? Is it in single digits? Is it just one (could be the person you are married to). Have you lost your V-card?
When it comes to addressing the shortfalls that men have in their dating and sex life, there is no one size fits all solution.
The mindset of a guy who has ten lays to his name, for example, is bound to approach the idea of improvement in this arena differently from a novice who hasn’t even been on his first date.
This is where such boilerplate dating advice that you find across the web is almost pointless since they fail to address what the guy: the one individual person is going through. His state of mind. His history.
To be able to provide a dating and relationship solution that works well for the individual you need someone with proven expertise in the arena.
We have been in this space for a while. From personal development, financial advice, dating, relationship coaching, and more.
So if you are serious about finding answers to your dating and relationship questions, one that fits your specific profile, with concrete solutions, then look no further.
5 Dating is a Numbers Game
At least at the start.
Let’s break this down with a simple (or not so simple) problem. Go back to the time when you liked a girl. Or the time when you thought you liked a girl (Warning: This doesn't end well).
How did it go? Usually, it starts with you (the guy in question) developing some sort of attachment with the girl in question.
You like her. Which is to say, you find her attractive. Do you think she will make good girlfriend material? And of course, you think she’ll be good in bed.
All good. But there’s one problem. You are yet to talk to her. And if you have, you are yet to go on your first date. Or if you have, you have yet to make your first move. And if you have….
You get the picture.
The point is, when it comes to women and dating, things don’t simply happen. To go from point a: when you meet this girl you find so interesting, to point x: where she has become your girlfriend there are a number of things that need to happen.
And that also means there are a number of things that can go wrong. And for a bloke who is just starting out, they invariably do.
Getting all obsessed over this special girl, the person who will make everything perfect bla bla bla… is a recipe for failure. And going back to our discussion about alpha males, this is exactly the kind of mindset that the top guys are not exhibiting.
The other problem with getting obsessed over that one ‘special’ girl is that you are not learning.
The lesson that men, particularly guys who are new to the dating scene need to learn is that it is a skill game. Like anything else in life, it involves a process of learning and improvement.
There are rules that need to be followed. The requisites that you need to fulfill before going in are real. And needless to say that looking like a sumo fighter or something like that is not going to make things easier.
But the critical principle, since we have established the importance of skill, is practice. It basically comes down to being able to go out, put yourself out there, approach, make a move, propose, and yes get rejected. By not one, but many.
Hate to keep repeating this, but in life, with no pain, there’s no gain. If you are not willing to face rejection you are never going to get laid. I mean never! Well unless you are considering paying for hookers, let’s not go there.
6 Watch and Learn
When all is said and done the question is where do you start?
What happens next? What is the first set of choices that you have to make to make things work in your dating life?
Well, tips and guides are only gonna go that far. Providing the information to make better choices can only be so effective.
But what IS effective is hands-on help. Someone with the proven expertise to help you navigate and succeed in this key arena of life: women.
And let’s get real here folks: this is a serious subject In a world filled with incels, red pills, black pills, and men who solicit prostitutes, it is clear that a lot of men do need help.
And for a lot of guys, it is about fixing this matter at the outset. And that’s what we are here to do. We are here to help you succeed not only in the arena of women and dating, but in building your fitness, achieving financial independence, and growing as a person.
Are you ready for this challenge?
In this post, we took on an awfully familiar topic, but we did so in an unconventional way. We took this opportunity to enlighten guys who are looking to improve in the dating space but to do so first by starting by taking a serious look at themselves.
Dating and personal development are interconnected. To succeed with women you need to succeed in life. To succeed in life you need the right guidance and expertise to show you the way. Do you have it? That’s what we are here to do. Not to leave you with some half-as**d dating advice and leave you dry. No. We are here to fix your problem. You ready!?
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