Growing up into an adult human being is not the same as becoming a fully rounded person.
Becoming an adult entails responsibilities, duties, and commitments. But a human being is one who has attained full or a degree of emotional, physical, and spiritual maturity in life. One that positions him to go forward and tackle the challenges of life and make most of the opportunities that come his way.
So far so good. But what about the idea of becoming a fully rounded man? A healthy masculine man who is driven by a purpose to fulfill his mission in life. How do you get to this stage? And importantly, what would the idea of becoming a masculine man actually look like?
Questions. Lots of questions.
You see, just as becoming an adult in a social and relational capacity goes beyond the mere physical development a person attains by the time one reaches 18 (or 21), the process of becoming a man also goes beyond hitting a certain stage in your life where you are able to function as a competent adult in modern society.
Today the idea of manhood is generally associated with what a man does. In terms of what he is ‘able to bring to the table’. Which is a nice way of saying how much money you are able to make.
And make no mistake making money, and being able to build a career, and be recognized in the marketplace is an important facet of life. One that should not be downplayed. And as we shall see, this remains a core part of what it means to be a man in the modern world.
However, the idea of success in your professional life (or for some, to have a profession) should not be confused with the ability to develop into a man who has the capacity to express himself, showcase his abilities, to give the world the fruits of his labor and gifts, and in the process coming to have a greater impact on the world around him.
The question is how many men today are able to say this about themselves?
How many men in your life that you know personally are able to say this about themselves, and to have this kind of effect on the world around them?
Most importantly, are you such a man who is able to live fully, knowing that your abilities and gifts are being utilized for your sake and others?
The Problem with Settling for Less
If there is one word that aptly characterizes the mindset and later, the way of life that countless men in the West choose to lead today, that word would be ‘settling’.
Far too many today, usually in their 30s and 40s, sometimes even in their 20s have basically given up on the idea of reinventing themselves.
For a lot of men, it's just too late. Things are too far gone. The time has passed. The only option now is to take what comes. Or worse, to simply roll over and just take what life gives you.
Is this acceptable?
As the saying goes, it is never too late to change, but in actual fact, far too many people are willing to make that change. Or what it comes down to, a series of practical and determined steps to change course in life.
The idea of making a drastic change, by way of a series of steps, or as a momentary shift in their thinking and outlook to better their standing in various aspects of their lives, in order to reach their fullest potential seems to have either escaped their way of thinking of many today. Or it seems unattainable given the reality of their current lives.
However when we look back at the development story of many men, the reasons for this state of affairs: that the problem of men settling for less (often a state of mediocrity characterized by corporate or bureaucratic servitude) is a function of the developmental path they have been subjected to.
To understand how we got to this stage where men simply give up on the idea of improving themselves, instead of choosing the path of growth in order affect real change around them, we need to understand the origins of this problem.
Living a Scripted Life
We have all heard the story. A boring, predictable, and all too familiar one. It is the story of learning, growing, and doing what education dictated us to do.
For those who have undergone the academic formula of school, classes, exams, and graduation; a process that often ends up replaying in college, and beyond. With the aim of becoming more qualified as a person to carry out a set of tasks and duties in a given field of expertise.
Which in practice translates into a job where you answer to a higher authority. Your free time is limited by contract. And your chances to truly express yourself are terribly limited.
Now to be clear there is nothing particularly wrong with getting a good education, becoming qualified in a certain area of expertise, and then deploying your skills in productive and creative ways, with the right reward for your efforts.
Heck, the world as we know it would cease to function if people stopped playing by this script of learning, applying, learning more, and doing.
Key aspects of our world from engineering, medicine, security, and policy makers to name just a few rely heavily on such expertise-driven roles.
And in all likelihood, the person reading this post could be someone who fits into the ‘careerist’ model. And again, that is perfectly fine.
The question we are concerned about is, no matter what you’re doing in your life today, is this the kind of life you truly wanted to live? Is this the kind of life that you, say as a young boy, as an impulsive teenager, or as a naïve young adult wanted to do when you set out to make your mark in this world?
You see, for a lot of men today their lives are essentially a function of choices that were made for them: From what school they were sent to; to what academic modules they specialized in, to even the kind of social circles they were permitted to be apart of.
Whilst these restrictions have greatly been mitigated thanks to the rise in mobile and communication technology, the greater integration of the global economy, and access to information. The problem nonetheless remains in terms of history. A lot of men still carry the same burdens, restrictive views, and underlying mindset that settles for less than what they truly want.
Moving on from living scripted life to doing what gets you the best chance of making it in life-which basically means how much money you can make-however goes beyond a simple shift in one’s thought process. It goes beyond making the choice to think and live differently.
In case the point is missed, no matter what kind of mindset change you make or think you have made until now, the world around you, in terms of the choices you can and are able to make must also reflect this shift.
The question is: Does it?
For a lot of men, the idea of ‘being free’, by doing what they want to with their lives often only takes place in their minds. The idea of being a fully rounded person is limited to the confines of their professional commitments and academic history. With their idea of being free, a dream that is yet to be realized.
And for a lot of other men (arguably most men), the idea of being free and living their life to the fullest often comes down to wasting their time away on TV, video games, and social media.
Is this the kind of freedom you are experiencing?
Money Alone is Not Enough
There is an old saying that comes from the world of Stoics, said by the great Seneca. That ‘Wealth is the slave of a wise man. The master of a fool’.
When it comes to the importance of money for building a meaningful life, there is no shortage of experts, gurus, and other entrepreneurs in the field.
If you have been on social media, and have been watching the space on finance, personal development, entrepreneurship the idea of hustling, to push yourself. That ‘to work’ and ‘to sell’ has become ever-present.
Problematically, this idea of building something for yourself, by competing in the marketplace today has taken a life of its own.
As there is no shortage of gurus and other experts, some genuine and others not so much, who promise you success in life, provided you subscribe to their life manual: which could be a course, a mentorship program, or even a seminar; in addition to a host of books and other support material that they intend to sell you. In the process of helping achieve financial independence.
The danger here is the singular emphasis on money (i.e. financial independence) and the ideas that they give you often fail to consider the whole person.
A man is not just a sum of the size of his bank account. Or the success of his business. To be a real man in the modern world entails growth in all areas of your life. Your fitness, your relationships, your principles. And how all of these connect with your purpose in life.
The question is, who is selling you this model of personal and professional development? Who in the industry today, leaving aside the phonies and scam artists (and there are quite a few of them), are able to provide what qualifies as a more holistic program for development?
One of the dangers of the ‘hustle’ industry is that it becomes self-justifying and later self-promoting. Where the ‘work till you make it mantra’ become some kind of remedy for all of life’s problems. It isn’t.
Returning to the wisdom of the Stoics: it is not good enough to make a lot of money, you need to have the right mindset (one that is open to new ideas and experiences) to make the most of it.
The Indispensability of Financial Security
Whilst the dangers of being consumed by limiting materialism is well noted: There is no shortage today of commentators and philosophies that preach the message of the evils of money and wealth creation.
And one need not think too much to understand that the world we live in, despite the immense wealth it produces, is a place that is filled with scarcity and needs.
The many problems that men collectively face in the world can be traced back to the question of financial security. Or the lack thereof.
Money, in case the obvious is missed is the key to freedom in the modern world. And the search for freedom is arguably one of the most powerful drivers of the soul.
The trouble is that many men in the West today don’t have that freedom. They are locked into 9 – 5 jobs (Albeit many have now moved online). Or they are on call, made to answer to the dictates of their boss. Never being truly free to pursue their mission in life.
And whatever freedom that they (You) think they have is a limited one. The type of weekend centered, let loose during your free time kind of freedom. A ‘freedom’ that they cannot hope to be free of, by attaining true financial independence. Why? Because they are afraid of losing what they already have. They are fearful of stepping into the unknown. They don’t where to start.
Make no mistake about this, until you as a man are able to have, or at least be on the path towards establishing true financial freedom you will not be growing as a person and be on the trajectory towards becoming a man you were meant to be: A person who is leading a purposeful life.
Financial Freedom? Person Development? What’s the Next Step
If you have been following the arguments in this post, its message is simple but powerful: To become a fully rounded person, you need to grow in all key areas of your life.
There is no single area or problem that can be fixed or improved for things to actually turn for the better.
And the financial question, a matter that tends to hang over such discussions cannot be overplayed but nor can it be underplayed. It is about hitting that correct balance. But what is that balance?
So what is that moment, process, or shift that you have to face or experience for real change to start happening in your personal and professional life? Where do you even start?! Does it just come down to throwing money at the next self-help guru or the next get-rich scheme?
Life Coaching: Answering your Questions and Fixing Problems Hands-On
When it comes to fixing a problem or overcoming a certain obstacle, one that, at first seems insurmountable there are a number of ways of going about it.
You can take it on yourself. Ask for help from some friends or colleagues, who may or may not know what is really the problem or how to deal with it, but are happy to help anyway. Or you can proceed to educate yourself on the subject and try to tackle it as a more competent person.
Or, and this is the increasingly popular route for many, you can throw money at a certain program that promises to help fix the problem by providing a solution. Often requiring you to follow a certain number of steps. Or which sell you seminars, where you take entire weekends off to find motivation and discover your potential!
Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing necessarily wrong with what is being offered by the above, to people who are looking for a way out of their financial troubles, personal setbacks, and other fears. The key question is: Are they enough? Do they stand the test of time in terms of working with you, through your problems, and providing guidance along the way?
Giving you that expertise on how to build a business, how to overcome social anxiety (a key factor that holds many men back), on how to invest wisely in growth sectors like real estate, to provide you the tools and necessary info at the right time so that you can develop as a person.
This is where we come in. If your aim is to achieve financial independence, to build the business you have always wanted, to develop the mindset of winners: One that is able to take on virtually any challenge. To become that man you always wanted to be. Then what are offering might be the way out for you.
Make no mistake, we are not here to offer you some quick-fix self-help course. Or some week-long mentorship where your problems are magically solved in the course of a dozen hours.
You see what we offer is real, hands-on support. One-on-One where necessary. A framework for learning and growth where we will work with you step by step. In helping you in your journey towards financial independence, personal growth, and beyond.
And you will be doing it with someone who has done it. Someone who was sitting in your chair once. Waiting for that moment to come. Wondered how he was going to make things happen. Asking what kind of decisions should be made, with all the noise that is out there, to make it right in his life.
You will be working with him. You will get what you really need. A solution for life that is tailored for you.
Life is about overcoming obstacles. Making more money, having social freedom, and being good with girls these challenges are interrelated. Depending on the life path you take, which should not be confused with your career (i.e. how you make a living), the responsibilities and duties of adulthood must accompany the process of development towards manhood.
Personal development is a coordinated process that involves learning and improvement at levels. And it doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen without the right guidance and leadership. Seek out the answers to your questions in a leader. Someone who has been there and done that. For that is the best way to right what is currently not.