What to Talk About When You Have Nothing to Say

If you have nothing to talk about, start with the person in front of you. Ask about something they mentioned, listen to the answer, and follow the part that actually interests you. Have a few true stories of your own ready, too. You don’t need a perfect topic before you open your mouth.

There’s a difference between being willing to walk up to somebody and knowing what to say once you’re there. You can handle the introduction and still freeze when the conversation needs to go somewhere.

In this archive video, I answer a viewer who says he can talk to people but runs out of things to say. The useful advice comes down to taking a genuine interest in somebody and learning to tell your own stories. Here’s how to put that into an ordinary conversation.

Stop trying to find a topic impressive enough to use

The viewer asks whether he should talk about food or the weather. Those subjects aren’t automatically wrong. The problem is sitting there judging every possible sentence before you say it.

For an ordinary social conversation, you can begin with something small. At a class, ask how long the other person has been coming. At a gathering, ask how they know the host. You’re giving them an easy place to start.

Those are sample questions, not quotations from the video. They don’t promise a particular response. Somebody might be busy, tired, or uninterested in talking. That’s allowed.

You also don’t need to turn yourself into the loudest person in the room. In the video, I question whether doing silly things for attention is the same as being confident. Being able to tolerate embarrassment doesn’t answer the question of what to talk about.

Ask about something you genuinely want to understand

I recommend Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People in the video. The point I take from it is straightforward: become genuinely interested in the other person.

That last part matters. If you’re asking questions while waiting for your chance to impress them, you’re still concentrating on yourself. Pay attention to what they’re telling you.

Suppose somebody says they started taking a cooking class. You could ask what made them choose it. If they say they got tired of making the same dinner, there’s something to talk about. What have they learned to cook? Did anything go badly the first time?

You don’t need to ask all those questions. Pick the one you’re curious about. Their answer may take the conversation somewhere you hadn’t planned.

In the source video, I talk about asking deeper questions based on what somebody says. That doesn’t mean demanding personal information. A follow-up about their hobby is different from asking a stranger to explain their private life.

Follow the answer instead of working through a questionnaire

I specifically warn against grilling somebody as though you’re interviewing them. A list of questions can become its own problem if you stop listening between them.

Here’s a hypothetical exchange. You ask what somebody does on weekends. They mention hiking, then tell you they got caught in the rain on their last trip. If your next question is immediately about their job, you’ve ignored the story they just offered.

You could ask what happened on the hike. Or you could tell them about a real occasion when your own plans went wrong. There’s room for either, as long as you’re responding to the conversation you’re actually having.

Share something yourself when it fits. You aren’t required to stay silent while the other person does all the work. The aim is to get to know each other, not to prove you can keep asking questions indefinitely.

And if they give short answers without showing any interest in continuing, don’t keep digging for a question that will force them to engage. You can leave the conversation politely.

Keep a few true stories ready

The other approach I explain in the video is having stories you know how to tell. I call them canned stories. That means familiar stories from your own life, not made-up experiences.

You probably already do this with friends. Something funny happened at work, you told somebody about it, and later you told it again. After a few tellings, you know which details matter and where people tend to lose interest.

Start by thinking about ordinary things that actually happened to you. A trip that went differently than planned. Something you misunderstood. A hobby you tried and were terrible at. You don’t have to manufacture an extraordinary life to contribute to a conversation.

Choose a story you’re comfortable sharing. Know where it starts and what happened. You don’t need to memorize every sentence, and you don’t need to deliver it whenever there’s a pause.

The story should fit what’s being discussed. If somebody talks about learning to cook, a short account of your own first attempt may fit. Interrupting them with an unrelated speech about your achievements probably won’t.

Leave out the details people don’t need

In the video, I mention learning how to craft a story, including leaving out unnecessary details and giving people a reason to listen.

Think about the difference between describing an incident and reconstructing your entire afternoon. The listener may need to know that you went to the wrong restaurant. They probably don’t need the route you drove, the full parking situation, and everything you ordered beforehand.

For practice, take a real story and tell the short version first. Explain enough for the other person to understand what happened. Then let their response guide whether you add anything.

If they ask a question, answer it. If a detail gets a laugh, give them room to react. A conversation can interrupt your story. You don’t have to finish a prepared performance before the other person gets another turn.

Notice when it’s time to change subjects

I also say you need to notice when people are bored and move to another conversation thread. Having a story ready doesn’t mean you’re entitled to somebody’s attention.

Watch for whether the exchange is mutual. Are they adding anything, asking you questions, or following the story? Or are they repeatedly turning away and trying to return to something else?

You can’t read somebody’s mind from one gesture. But you can stop insisting on finishing a story that isn’t going anywhere. Ask about something they brought up, let somebody else speak, or end the conversation.

The video discusses different social settings, including noisy bars. I’m focusing here on ordinary conversations where both people want to talk. Neither questions nor storytelling are a way to override somebody’s lack of interest.

Practice one conversation without rehearsing the whole thing

Before your next class or social gathering, remember one true story you could share. When you’re there, ask somebody a question that fits the situation. Listen closely enough to ask a real follow-up.

That’s practice, not a promise that you’ll make a friend or get a date. You’re working on the part you can control: participating without spending the whole time searching for the perfect thing to say.

If fear is stopping you before the first sentence, read how to act when you feel afraid. If the bigger problem is building friendships while shy, read how to make friends when you are shy. This article is about what to say once you’re already talking.

Not sure where to start? Take the free Bulldog Mindset Quiz and find the standard you need to tighten first.

Prefer audio? Listen on the Bulldog Mindset podcast.

What’s one true story you enjoy telling?