FREE GUIDE FOR ADULT MEN · JOHN SONMEZ
Stop overthinking.
Start the conversation.
Practical exercises for social confidence and talking to women, drawn from my existing videos. Read it, then do the work.
1. Start conversations before you feel ready
If you keep waiting until you feel confident, you can keep putting this off. You have to go out and start talking to people. That is the work.
In the Short on making friends when you are shy, I give an assignment: go to the mall and start conversations with 50 people. Say hi. Ask the time. The point is starting, not finding a brilliant opening line.
You do not have to turn every conversation into a friendship. Keep a list on your phone and record the conversations you actually started. If 50 feels too big for today, begin with one and keep working toward the assignment.
Today: start one ordinary conversation in a public place where conversation is welcome. Record what you did, not whether they liked you.
2. Give yourself something real to talk about
When you do not know what to say, pay attention to the person in front of you. Ask about something they actually said. Be genuinely interested in the answer.
In the bar demonstration, I ask what she is drinking, then follow up on her answer. That works as an example of responding to the situation. It is not a script that makes any woman interested.
Have a few real stories from your own life ready, too. Something you did, something you noticed, something that made you laugh. Do not invent a story to look impressive. A conversation is not an interview or a performance.
Today: ask one follow-up question based on the answer you just heard. If it fits, share a short, true story of your own.
3. Talk to women without making the outcome your whole life
In the full video about cold approaching, I explain why I do not try to pre-plan every word. Overthinking gets you into your head instead of paying attention to the conversation.
I also talk about giving a woman your undivided attention and being curious about her. That is different from trying to please her so she will approve of you.
You can be interested and still handle it when she is not. In that same video, I say that if a woman is not interested, I walk away. Do that. Do not argue with a no or keep pushing for an explanation.
Practice sober. Using alcohol as a crutch does not build the skill you want to have when you are sober.
Today: in an appropriate setting, start a conversation with an adult woman you want to meet. Pay attention to her response. If she is not interested, end it politely.
4. Say what you actually want
In the video on shy guys becoming leaders, I talk about stopping people-pleasing and saying what you want.
If you do not want to go somewhere for dinner, say that. You can still consider what the other person wants. Having a preference does not mean you get to control theirs.
You will not make every decision perfectly. Make a reasonable choice, own it and learn from what happened. Trying to avoid every disagreement is not the same thing as being considerate.
Today: state one real preference without an apology or a speech. Give the other person room to disagree.
5. Keep practicing and look at what happened
The Short on stopping shyness makes the point plainly: there is no shortcut around talking to people. Advice can help. It cannot do the conversations for you.
For the next seven days, write down one conversation you started and one thing you learned. Use the tracker below. A conversation going nowhere is still something you can learn from.
You are not scoring another person or trying to collect phone numbers. You are recording your own actions. Then choose the next action and do it.
This week: keep the practice small enough to repeat. Review your notes after seven days and decide what to work on next.
Your seven-day practice tracker
Write the action you took. Then write what you will try next.
| Day | Conversation or action | What I learned / next step |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | ||
| 2 | ||
| 3 | ||
| 4 | ||
| 5 | ||
| 6 | ||
| 7 |
Want a place to keep doing the work?
The Bulldog Mindset community gives you a 30-Day Challenge and check-in threads. Choose your promises and score your actions. The current monthly plan is $29.
If you have been a member before, check for your existing access before paying.
Watch the source videos
This guide adapts the exercises and ideas in these videos. It does not promise a dating result.